07 December 2006

Blood Ties That Blind

Nearly all of us have something in our lives that doesn't work, large or small, irritating or overwhelming. Most of us have been carefully taught to avoid ever seeing that 'something' clearly. [This is a theme I tend to bring up a lot: the way we are trained from birth by abusers, to serve as their prey, if we have them in our families of origin.]

One of the most destructive forces I have seen in human interactions is the way people are pressured to mindlessly worship 'blood ties'. The idolatry of 'family', when the family in question is nothing but a toxic trap... and the way that anyone who is in that situation, and wises up, may be ganged up on by people who are completely ignorant of their situation, totally ignorant of psychology and group psychodynamics.

Healthy, good families don't demand worship. They don't 'demand' anything. They just love each other, and wonder what on earth all the fuss and bluster and oracular pronouncements are about.

Merely having similar DNA doesn't mean that you will be similar people in terms of character or tastes. Merely being related to someone doesn't guarantee affinity.

Heck, it doesn't even guarantee that they won't kill you - or try to.

According to a Department of Justice report -- in 2002, ~22% of murders were family murders; ~9% were murder of a spouse, ~6% were murders of a child by a parent, ~7% were murders by other family members.

But get this: From the same report: Females were 58% of family murder victims, and of ALL murders of females in 2002, family members were responsible for 43%.

Think about that. Nearly half of all the girls and women murdered that year were killed by FAMILY.

From reading the report, it looks as though the DOJ doesn't treat murders of girlfriends or boyfriends as family murders. So the stats above apparently just apply to marriages and blood relatives.

Here's a link to the report. Important info, especially for anyone in a DV situation. And anyone who has an abuser telling them that "family" is all that matters.

DOJ Report


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