09 February 2009

Techniques of Healing

At this point, I have told as much of this story as there is to tell. I would like to again refer anyone in similar circumstances to Lundy Bancroft's books.

Whether or not you have a history of overt Domestic Violence in your family. Whether or not you are a parent.

His advice to mothers, regarding ways to further the emotional healing of their children, is invaluable advice to adults in recovery seeking healthy models for re-parenting themselves, to address and remodel old, archaic coping mechanisms.

I therefore whole-heartedly recommend:

"Why Does He DO That?"

"The Batterer As Parent"

and last but very definitely not least,

"When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse".

These books will help, regardless of the type of abuse or its origin - whether it's domestic violence enacted by a father, or emotional abuse enacted by a mother, either form of abuse enacted by your own spouse or partner, or workplace abuse enacted by a clique or gang or bullying supervisor.

Because abuse is a disease of values, a disease of society; and abusers behave in highly stereotypical, truly predictable ways.

Which means that healing also has common components, and fundamental techniques can be applied, often with surprisingly prompt results. When we are resilient, when our values have not been permanently distorted by abuse, we can heal.

At this point, my road to healing becomes a more private one; not because of a desire to conceal anything, but because it will be made up of myriad small events, more reading and thinking, and the routine application of healing techniques. The daily work is repetitious, and there will be limited benefit from repeating all of the details here.

Its results, however, should be obvious.

For more details on healing techniques, I refer you to "When Dad Hurts Mom", pages 266 - 311. You will be amazed, and pleased, I hope, to discover how familiar many of these concepts will be. Validation is a comforting friend, always. Bancroft describes:

-safe forms of emotional expression
-safe forms of describing events and experiences
-finding safe help from outside agents [his take on the use and misuse of psychotropic medication exactly matches my own, FWIW]
-empowerment through critical thinking, psychological literacy, and learning to strategize.

And of course, since I have blogged about many of these same techniques in the past, I will blog about more of them in future, once I've become somewhat adept at applying them in this new context.

But meanwhile:

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
---J.R.R. Tolkien


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